MARCHE DU NAIN ROUGE

Antoine Laumet de La Mothe, sieur de Cadillac was a French explorer and adventurer who is known for founding the city of Detroit in 1701.

According to legend, during his exploration of the Detroit area, he encountered a small red dwarf known as the Nain Rouge.

The Nain Rouge is a mythical creature in French folklore, believed to be a harbinger of misfortune and bad luck.

In the legend, the Nain Rouge appeared to Cadillac and warned him not to establish a settlement in the area. Cadillac instead, decided to fuck around and find out.

He pulled out a cain and used it to beat the Nain Rouge into the dirt while hollering “bend to my will you nasty dwarf!”

After savagely beating the dwarf, Cadillac went ahead with his plans and established Detroit in the spot where he had encountered the Nain Rouge.

His decision was followed by a series of setbacks, including crop failures, disease, and attacks from Native American tribes.

Unable to face the consequences of conquering, Cadillac and his cronies began to cognitively disassociate and believed that the red dwarf was responsible for bringing bad luck to their settlement.

Over time, the legend of Cadillac and the Nain Rouge grew, and the Nain Rouge became a symbol of the city's struggles and challenges.

The red dwarf was said to have danced among the corpses on the banks of the Detroit River on July 30, 1763 after the Battle of Bloody Run, where 58 British soldiers were killed by Native Americans led by Chief Pontiac of the Ottawa tribe.

According to lore, all the misfortunes of Governor and General William Hull leading to the surrender of Detroit in the War of 1812 are blamed on the pesky Nain Rouge.

Two utility workers claimed to have seen the tell tale red ass emerge from the sewers on Cass just before the 1967 Detroit riots.

Supposedly, it was also seen sucking cocaine down it’s red nostrils at the Old Miami before an the great ice storm of 1976.

In 2013 the Nain was briefly considered as Detroit's Emergency Manager during the city's bankruptcy.

That same year it was often seen lurking near Kwame Kilpatrick in the lead up to his arrest.

To prevent future tragedies and chaos, the Marche Du Nain Rouge is held annually in Detroit to celebrate the city's French heritage and to banish the curse of the Nain Rouge.

The festival involves a parade where participants dress up in costumes and masks and march through the streets, driving out the Nain Rouge and ushering in a new era of prosperity and good luck for the city.

The most seasoned parade goers know that they must change their look each year, lest they are recognized and ruined out of vengeance by the Nain.

There is also a sect of participants who call themselves “The Friends of the Nain Rouge” who protest the Nain’s banishment.

“The Friends of the Nain” argue that the Nain Rouge is not to blame for the city's ills, and that considering Detroit's population loss, no one should be banished from the city, particularly those who have been there the longest…

I AGREE!

See you soon,

-niki

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