#32
12 / 03/ 2021

An American Tradition

After the pin is pulled,
you either throw it or it throws you.

The only thing I shoot are photographs. I really do not know much of anything about guns besides the basics: they propel projectiles accurately, and people wield them to extinguish life. I view them as tools of death and destruction. I would prefer these tools are never used on me or anyone else, but that train has left the station.

On the question of gun control…

I have a pretty big distrust of large government interventions to control the whims of society. In the words of Shepard from Firefly, “a government is a body of people: usually, notably, ungoverned.”  If a government intervention to take away people’s firearms took place in the U.S. I think there would inevitably be bloodshed. Which is not the goal. Although bloodshed is happening now, everyday, so what is the answer?

Ultimately, I believe the only effective way to reach people is to slip into their minds and try to influence their hearts. This is the reason I am an artist. My practice is focused on slipping past my mind and trying to find my heart—the elusive “soul,” the ever-shifting “self."

In these increasingly divisive times, full of contrast and rooted in dualism, I find myself searching for the gray areas. This quest can only be done in person.

So, last Saturday, I went to my first gun show, held at the Suburban Collection Showcase, in Novi, Michigan.

Like a good soldier of truth, I brought along backup, my trusty friend Matt, who you may remember from this classic niki download about “the rope swing.”

We started our adventure with the Antique Arms Show, a club founded in 1947 and seeking to “swap antique guns, yarns, gun lore and arrange shooting matches (muzzle-loading) and to promote, collect and preserve antique weapons in the State of Michigan.”

Our guide was Greg, who I had called before the show to feel out if I could take photos. He said “come find me at the show.” I did. He was eating pizza. I introduced myself and told him I was interested in making portraits.

Greg told me that would be tricky because everyone here was a private person. He himself preferred not to be photographed, so I had to use my mental camera and corporeally based rendering system to make the image above.

I had anticipated this. My research before the show tipped me off that gun shows are historically sites of loosely regulated gun sales and for that reason, are often targeted by undercover ATF agents.

Despite his reservations, he introduced me to some folks he thought would be comfortable talking to me.

Like Mike, who was selling antique muzzle-loading pistols.

And Jim, who was selling all sorts of World War I memorabilia, including this club for hand-to-hand combat, which he said was likely created right on the battlefield.

Jim also showed me this helmet, which took a hit of shrapnel.

The men (it was mostly all men) I met on this side of the show were all deeply committed to history and to education. Bob here told me he was a descendent of Meriwether Lewis and once completed a recreation of the 1803 expedition of the Louisiana Purchase on a 50-foot barge, visiting countless schools and community centers.

Larry happily posed with his Winchester.

Not everyone sold weapons. This man’s display featured ancient headwear.

Mr. Schmidt posed as if he were behind bars in an old-school, Wild West jail. These dealers had a sense of humor.

There was definitely a right-leaning political sentiment amongst many. Greg asked me where I was from and I sheepishly told him “Ann Arbor, but don’t hold it against me.” He looked a bit concerned. “You have met everyone who I feel comfortable allowing you to photograph.”

“Thanks for your time,” said I.

Matt and I headed into the contemporary firearms side of the convention center. A security guard asked us if we had any firearms or ammunition on us, and we said “no.” There were no metal detectors or pat-downs, but I was told “no photos.” I spoke with the woman in charge, Tracie, and explained that I was curious about gun dealers and wanted to make some portraits. She said, “I am not sure any will talk to you, but I would love if they did to reduce some of the stigma around these events. The press never focuses on the family friendly side of firearms, the camaraderie, the human connections made through the industry.”

Driven by curiosity, I wanted to see that, too.

The vibe on the contemporary side of the show was visually much more right leaning. Large banners proclaiming “Let’s go Brandon” a meme popular amongst the right which was born last October, when race car driver Brandon Brown won a NASCAR race and was being interviewed by NBC reporter Kelli Stavast. In the background, some in the crowd can be heard chanting, "Fuck Joe Biden," though Stavast says, "You can hear the chants from the crowd, 'Let's go, Brandon!' " in her broadcast.

It remains unclear if Stavast misheard what the crowd was saying or if she purposely tried to change the message.

The attendees were mostly but by no means all white men.

I approached a man who looked like John Waters and listened, smiling, as he and another man debated the most effective way to sharpen a blade.

When I asked him if I could make a portrait, he said with a grin, “No! And I bet you hear that a lot.”

”I understand, thanks for your time,” I said, moving on.

“Oh you understand? Do you really understand? They aren’t even supposed to allow cameras in here. We have to worry about ATF agents, especially the young ones who have no morals or ethics.”

I met a lady in a “Let’s Go Brandon” T-Shirt and asked if she would pose for a portrait. She asked me what my politics were and if my newsletter was “liberal or conservative.” I told her I was disappointed with both sides and that my newsletter was about me and my curiosity.

She said “No, thank you.”

Matt and I walked around a little longer, but ultimately we felt that most people on this side of the fair were reluctant to be photographed.

I saw Tracie on the way out and suggested that next time there is a fair I run a portrait booth where folks can just walk in.

I drove home in the snow disheartened at the divisiveness that seems to define the American experience these days (and probably always).

Four days later a 15 year old opened fire with a semi-automatic 9mm Sig Sauer on his fellow students at Oxford Highschool, which is in the same county as the gun show Matt and I attended. He killed four teenagers, Justin Shilling, 17, Tate Myre, 14, Hana St. Juliana, 14 and Madisyn Baldwin, 17, and wounded seven other people. His father had purchased the firearm on Black Friday (not sure where), the day before we went to the gun show.

Tradition is defined as an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (such as a religious practice or a social custom). School shootings, unfortunately, qualify as an American Tradition.

I hope we can stop the cycle of violence.

A great newsletter I receive each week is the Cargo’s Sites in Use. They always have a thought provoking opening text. This week’s was:

“Belief and cynicism are two sides of the same coin. They seem like rivals but really are twin creatures of certainty. To believe is to genuinely feel that one knows. Whereas cynicism is to be convinced that nothing has meaning, so one can do whatever without consequence. Both are grotesqueries.

Belief says things like: “Jesus is the one true God.”
Cynicism says things like: “I don’t have to outrun the bear; I just have to outrun you.”

Both are very corporate. Both are very results oriented. Both allow for slashing and burning. Both have a no nonsense countenance but hide a deep discomfort with the ambiguous nature of human life.

Our distaste for certainty got us thinking about what its opposite might be; the dictionary says it’s “doubt.” But we think curiosity is more apt. We are not thinking of curiosity here as a state of indecision but one of engagement — the way a scientist engages data or a poet engages language.”

I started this “episode” of the niki download exploring curiosity. The week ended in bloodshed. The families of those murdered and injured at Oxford are left to pick up the pieces. This is not going to be tied up in a nice little bow.

Maybe if we each work on delving into our depths and understanding, instead of avoiding, the evil inside of each of us, we can save humanity (and our planet) from destruction. Maybe we can center love and light and start having hard conversations without retreating to our idealogical camps. Maybe we are too far gone. I choose to believe humanity can be saved, what that means is ambiguous.

-Niki

My heart is with the victims, survivors, and families who have experienced violence.

Thank you to Matt for taking the adventure with me.

Thank you as always to David Pratt who proofread this download.

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