#55
5/27/2022

PAYMENT FOR SILENCE

The following dramatization is based on true events.

At the beginning of this week,
I was met by a mystery.

It all started one morning while I was taking out my dog, Sigi, to do her doggy business. I noticed a letter was taped to my neighbor’s door.

The letter, which was sealed in a plastic bag, read: “PAYMENT FOR SILENCE”.

I thought this was odd because that neighbor is a bookish, sweet young lady, who never stirs up any trouble.

In this complex, usually a letter on the door means you did something that the surly Residential Manager finds out of line. I have had my fair share.

Once I got a letter on my door to stop leaving shoes next to my door. Fair enough.

Another time I received a notice that someone was not picking up their dog shit. It wasn’t me. I always pick up Sigi’s shit.

It is why she calls me “Poop Man”.

Lately, I call her “Sugah Belly".

After Sigi did her dirty work, I came back inside to find the letter was no longer on my neighbor’s door.

It was on mine, with a note that read: “This was taped to my door, so I opened it. The only note said ‘for nikki?’ and I can’t think of anyone else in the building that might be.”

Because I am an American, I am conditioned to believe that my death will be caused by the hands of my fellow man. So, I was sort of afraid to open the envelope.

Out of an abundance of caution I suited up
and took a peek inside.

It contained $200 cash, and, as
indicated, a note which read “FOR NIKKI?”

They got my attention. I felt a little shook...

Who is this person? What sort of silence are they paying me $200 for? Why did they write in caps-lock?

Mulling it over, I remembered that I have had notes from other tenants placed on my door before, complaining about my guitar playing.

In bubbly handwriting they read: “PLEASE DO NOT PLAY GUITAR WHILE I AM WORKING OR RESTING.”

I play acoustic guitar, usually for 45mins-1hr
a day between 11am-7pm. Nothing crazy loud!

Some folk or some droney Robbie Basho style sounds.

I assume this is what they are referring too.

But… Who is they?

Here are the prime suspects:

My money (all $200) is on suspect #2 who lives below me.

She often yells at me through the floor. Once she hollered at me as I stood on my balcony smoking a joint, “What are you doing up there? Smoking reefer!!??”

I replied with a cough, “Sure am!”

I let the Residential Manager know about the whole thing and she very helpfully, said “I have no idea what it is for or who it is from, either.”

We have a history. She sent me the wrong lease earlier this year, so I pay a few hundred dollars less than everyone else. I fought for that, and I think she is bitter, she is no longer helpful in the affairs of living at Pine Valley.

I responded, “If I am murdered, please call the cops.”

To which she matter-of-factly responded, “If you are concerned you should contact the police.”

So I did. Officer Crumple of the Ann Arbor Police said while this is very strange, there is nothing he could or would do… “but, we if you want, we could take the cash as ‘evidence’ in case an actual crime is committed.”

To serve and protect!

So, $200 the richer, I am reminded we are all on our own, the police won’t help you, the residential manager could care less, and the world is broken.

I am moving to Brooklyn in three months, so I am not motivated to figure out which one of my passive-aggressive neighbors is trying to pay me off.

I figure my time is worth $1 a minute. So, having been “silent” for 3.33 hours, I think we are square.

Now, I will write a country song about the strange event and proudly play it in my apartment…

It has been a hell of a week. Be kind to yourself.

Here is a nice quote:

“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go, love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.”

-L.R. Knost

See you soon,

-niki

Thank you to Cecilia Gorgon for her illustrations, styling, and photo assistance!

Thank you to David Pratt for proofreading!

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